Mr Tardily-Mess had cobwebs on his hat, It had three spiders in it and one enormous bat. When cobwebs fell upon his face, from just the slightest breeze, The spiders ran into his nose and made the poor man sneeze. Mr Tardily-Mess had twigs inside his vest, A wren had placed them inside there, all…

If there’s one thing I hate It’s a fish on my plate, A fish staring right out at me. It’s staring and glaring As though it might say Oh why did I leave the sea? — [sc name=”Coffee”] Illustration courtesy, and copyright, Jools Wilson. See more of Jools’ art here.

I only heard, but never saw, the Haggis of Lagoon. I almost had him once, you see, but lost him on the moon. I made a net from silver spoons and one from paper straws. I’d hoped to catch the Haggis there but couldn’t quite because the moon it turned to pink blancmange and crashed against…

for Mia Nobody liked to talk about the elephant in the room. They were all perfectly happy to talk to him, of course, but not about him. Or rather, they did not like to talk about one particular aspect of him. Whenever the subject seemed upon the verge of rearing its head, people would look…

Eaten by a bear or crushed at a fair. Chopped by wives with very sharp knives. Stood on at home or drowned in foam. Shot at dawn on a long green lawn. It isn’t safe to be alive So I’d like you back at home by five. — [sc name=”Coffee”]

The Dandy lions are retired now, And lazing in the sun. But should you stop And sit on one They’ll bite you on the bum. — [sc name=”Coffee”] Illustration courtesy and copyright, David Burrows. Follow him on Dave Burrows on Instagram.