Mr Tardily Mess
Mr Tardily-Mess had cobwebs on his hat, It had three spiders in it and one enormous bat. When cobwebs fell upon his face, from just the slightest breeze, The spiders ran into his nose and made the poor man sneeze. Mr Tardily-Mess had twigs inside his vest, A wren had placed them inside there, all…
Fish-eyed
If there’s one thing I hate It’s a fish on my plate, A fish staring right out at me. It’s staring and glaring As though it might say Oh why did I leave the sea? — Illustration courtesy, and copyright, Jools Wilson. See more of Jools’ art here.
The Haggis of Lagoon
I only heard, but never saw, the Haggis of Lagoon. I almost had him once, you see, but lost him on the moon. I made a net from silver spoons and one from paper straws. I’d hoped to catch the Haggis there but couldn’t quite because the moon it turned to pink blancmange and crashed against…
The Smartest Elephant In The Room
for Mia Nobody liked to talk about the elephant in the room. They were all perfectly happy to talk to him, of course, but not about him. Or rather, they did not like to talk about one particular aspect of him. Whenever the subject seemed upon the verge of rearing its head, people would look…
Words before going out
Eaten by a bear or crushed at a fair. Chopped by wives with very sharp knives. Stood on at home or drowned in foam. Shot at dawn on a long green lawn. It isn’t safe to be alive So I’d like you back at home by five. —
The Dandy Lions—a nonsense poem
The Dandy lions are retired now, And lazing in the sun. But should you stop And sit on one They’ll bite you on the bum. — Illustration courtesy and copyright, David Burrows. Follow him on Dave Burrows on Instagram.
Fighting Sleep—a nonsense poem
Don’t fight sleep, you’re bound to lose; You just can’t win, surrender and snooze. Close your eyes, lie back in your bed – If you try to fight sleep you’ll lose your head. —
Warning! (a nonsense poem)
Do not open The bedtime book, Do not peep, Do not look. Lock it up Out of sight, Keep it hidden Every night. If you think To look inside, You will soon Run and hide. Please be wary, This is scary. You won’t see A single fairy. You won’t see A teddy bear Unless it’s…
I’d Follow You
I’d follow you up to the moon, or even into hell. But you go first, and if it’s safe just give a little yell. — Illustration courtesy and copyright of Jools Wilson. Follow her on Twitter. See her website.
Where Do Your Parents Go At Night?
Your breathing slows, your eyes shut tight, your folks turn off the hallway light, you hear one thing that’s not quite right, you wonder where they go at night. They leave you on your own, you know, they do this every night. When you’re asleep they tuck you in and disappear from sight. Where do…