When someone is hurt, you need Dr Dribble,
Whatever my price, you must never quibble.
Move aside, make room, and give me some space
It’s time for the doctor to look at your face.

I see it has lumps where there should be a nose
I see it has bumps in the shape of a rose.
I see it has hair where there ought to be teeth
And I dare not guess what lies just underneath.

I could cure that wart, without even a thought,
But I’m not sure I should, I’m not sure I ought.
It’s science, you see, to see how this ends.
I’m a doctor, you see, and not one of your friends.

Oh the things I might learn from looking at you
As you slowly turn into a kind of pea stew.
The notes I might take, the advances I’ll make
Just by watching you close from the moment you wake.

I’ll watch how your eyes go red in surprise
As you find that I’ve fed you some snot-burger pies.
I’ll watch how your cheeks go green in disgust
As I wash out your mouth with bicycle rust.

It’s all for the knowledge, it’s all for the science,
So sign here to become my learning appliance.
I’ll do every study, I’ll run every test
I’ll let beetles and spiders use you as a nest.

Oh I’m sure I could whip up the perfect cure,
But wouldn’t that be such a terrible bore?
Wouldn’t you rather go down in the books,
As someone well known for losing their looks?

Wouldn’t you rather die for a cause,
And receive, in the end, a mighty applause?
By lending your face to experimentation
You might well be in for the perfect sensation.

Well as the only professional here by a mile
I’ll make the decision with a doctorly smile.
I’ll watch you get sick and your skin become thick
And I’ll scoop up the bits that fall off or turn ick.

I’ll be a doctor to you, though you won’t live to see
All the glorious things I shall brew from your wee.
I’ll remember your name and tell others this story
And I’ll try not to mention the bits which are gory.

—

—

If you enjoyed this and would like to support my work then please…

Illustration courtesy and copyright, Jools Wilson.