Dr Dribble’s Deadly Diagnosis

Say Ah! Illustration by Jools Wilson Poem by Dom Conlon
Open your mouth and say “AH!”
AH!
Stand on one leg and say “AH!”
AH!
Hold your nose and your ear
(there’s nothing to fear)
then say “AH!”
AH!
Yes it’s quite plain to see
from the lump on your knee
that the problem is how you say AH!
So hand me my tweezers and hand me my knife,
for I’ve no doubt at all-
if I saw off your leg,
I’m sure I can still save your life.

Jump up and down and say “AH!”
AH!
Sit on the floor and say “AH!”
AH!
Stand on your head
(if you don’t then you’re dead)
now say “AH!”
AH!
One poke in the eye
might get you to cry
and teach you how to shout AH!
Now hand me my gloves and hand me my saw,
for I’ve no doubt at all-
I could fix you right now,
but I might just be breaking the law.

Put one hand on your toes and say “AH!”
AH!
Stick out your tongue and say “AH!”
AH!
Spin on one heel
(until you can’t feel)
then say “AH!”
AH!

I’m afraid it’s no good,
you’ve lost too much blood
and now you cannot say AH!
So hand me my bag and don’t look perplexed,
for I’ve no doubt at all-
I’ve done this all wrong,
So now all I’ll say is “WHO’S NEXT?”

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